so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's even glitter on my cock...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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