You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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