i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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