I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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