A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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