Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
