two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
