Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
why do cheetos always look like penises
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
