So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
