Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
