Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
