I swear she didn't look like that last week.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize