I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
