bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
