The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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