brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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