seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
