we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
they need to just BURY HIM!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My vagina just clenched in fear