it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
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Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again