As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
ttyl tear gas
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..