Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  My astrological sign? Vagitarius.

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  (440): My astrological sign? Vagitarius. http://tfl.nu/0z0j
  Replies (20) Good night (3548) Bad night (662)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.

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  (419): it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants. http://tfl.nu/uvta
  Replies (40) Good night (3168) Bad night (585)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.

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  (214): So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat. (1-214): Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/vioy
  Replies (74) Good night (1582) Bad night (4342)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.

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  (614): Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by. http://tfl.nu/jzor
  Replies (49) Good night (1065) Bad night (4843)
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  (234): View more from Ohio

  if we break up, who will get the dealer?

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  (234): if we break up, who will get the dealer? http://tfl.nu/k5oc
  Replies (8) Good night (1413) Bad night (4344)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator

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  (469): you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator http://tfl.nu/bsby
  Replies (21) Good night (7202) Bad night (1545)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.

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  (705): Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M. http://tfl.nu/1ch5
  Replies (2) Good night (1638) Bad night (896)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.

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  (914): Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names. http://tfl.nu/zaoe
  Replies (4) Good night (2481) Bad night (502)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Everyone is cheering

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  (404): Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire. (404): Everyone is cheering http://tfl.nu/wh9k
  Replies (4) Good night (1935) Bad night (623)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?

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  (248): When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle? http://tfl.nu/70g5
  Replies (7) Good night (1035) Bad night (493)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.

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  (785): There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha. http://tfl.nu/kiqc
  Replies (1) Good night (418) Bad night (213)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  So when can I meet her?

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  (505): There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker. (1-505): So when can I meet her? http://tfl.nu/qfle
  Replies (1) Good night (539) Bad night (175)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.

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  (516): I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly. http://tfl.nu/c92d
  Replies (2) Good night (387) Bad night (220)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0

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  (252): Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0 http://tfl.nu/k7y9
  Replies (0) Good night (361) Bad night (164)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay

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  (402): why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay http://tfl.nu/d49s
  Replies (2) Good night (164) Bad night (517)

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