tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
