It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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