Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize