I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
