I'm so fucking centered right now
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Randomize
