Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is Oprah even human
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
