My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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