i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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