I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
