and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
