i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
