i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
