I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
