i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
