hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i think i have two assholes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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