no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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