'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
