i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
