Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
