The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
