i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
