I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
