dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
