Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
