I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
