ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
