I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's Friday. Sex?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
