I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
