I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
