Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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