he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
