I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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