My entire life is one complicated drinking game
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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