maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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