you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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