At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
