Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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