Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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