did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
