Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
