were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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