yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
