Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
