Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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