I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
