I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
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Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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