and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I CAN MOONWALK!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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