Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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