Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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