I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
