Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
