i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
