ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
