Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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