It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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