I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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