My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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