I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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